Beach Time!

Brad had Fall break thursday and friday and we had been talking for a while about me taking time off work so we could finally actually all go to the beach.  This was mentioned to Tacy, who has never been to a beach or seen the ocean.  After I explained to her what a beach was (lots of water and sand) she was obsessed with the idea to the point that while singing her to sleep she would quietly whisper "beach" occasionally or wake up saying "beach" randomly.  

Friday we finally went to the beach.  It was the perfect day!  It was warm, but not hot.  The water felt great (anything is better than the freezing pacific).  The only downside was the car ride (like 2.5 hours to get to the beach we went too, which is long for a toddler).  But once we crested that last light hill to get to the beach and Tacy saw all the sand and water, her eyes were wide and she said something like "woah".  It was so cute.  She was pretty excited.  The poor kid has never seen that much water in all her life and sand is only a recent discovery since moving here to NC.  

I personally am afraid of waves (well that's mostly because I'm afraid of drowning and waves are something I cannot control that are strong and create strong currents, riptides, etc which lead to drowning).  I was curious to see how Tacy would react to waves.  Needless to say, the child is fearless (unless you are talking about hermit crabs because she did not like seeing those).  But Tacy ran to the waves.  We had to do a nice talk about always holding a parents hand when by water - that talk did not really sit in her brain at all because she would run to the water any chance she got.  But she had so much fun kicking her legs in the water and would laugh anytime the water/waves would get to her.  Her first time to the water i was actually using my camera to take pictures and Tacy managed to get caught in a wave (just a little one) and rolled around a little in the water.  She looked startled by the experience and she was wet and sandy all over.  But she never cried and after trying to clean her up a little she was ready for the water again.  Needless to say, I didn't bring my camera to the water again (Brad was there for that experience so it wasn't just me watching her).  That was also when I got protective any time we were by the water while Tacy kept fighting to pull us both closer to the waves/farther into the water.  Brad would run up close to the waves then chase the waves to Tacy.  She loved this game.  

We took lots of sand breaks.  Brad and Tacy started to make sand castles, which quickly evolved into Brad trying to build faster than Tacy destroyed.  Our little bucket and shovel broke really fast, luckily I had also brought some plastic BYU cups as back up so these became the sand castle builders.  When Tacy wasn't destroying what Brad made, she was trying to copy him by filling a cup up with sand and flipping it over to make a sand castle.  She never filled the cups all the way up so she usually ended up with a tiny little mound of sand, but she was always so proud of herself.  

Tacy and I went looking for some sea shells.  She had fun putting them in our cracked bucket.  She also loved picking up whole handfuls of sand and throwing them, usually at the waves which she found hilarious.  She was pretty covered with sand by the time we left.

Tacy was shivering after a few times down to the water and back to play in the sand.  The wind is pretty strong so even though it was warm, it can be chilly when you are wet.  Now I remember so much why I loved when I dad would dig big holes at the beach at Topsail Island.  He would dig them big enough for me to stand in and they were nice and warm (they blocked the wind).  I kept asking Tacy if she wanted to be wrapped in her towel but she would say no.  Well Brad had dug a good little hole in the sand from collecting sand in cups to make sand castles.  Tacy sat down with her legs in this hole and was just rubbing her legs back and forth.  She again refused her towel.  So Brad asked her if she would let him burry her legs.  She was fine with this and thought it was pretty funny.  After she got out we burried Brad's feet.

While eating snacks, seagulls came to visit.  They weren't aggressive, there were just a lot in close proximity.  Well, Tacy loves birds so she would run after them trying to get close.  Needless to say she was good at clearing the birds.  Brad then taught her to tease the seagulls by throwing little shells in the air so the birds thought it was food and would fly after them.  They both found this funny.

The beach had some showers so I tried rinsing Tacy off here and managed to at least desand her a little.  Then we drove down to one of the NC aquariums and looked at fish, alligators, turtles, etc for a little while until Tacy was too tired to listen at all anymore so we left and drove home.  Tacy slept for a little over an hour, not great.  I'm glad we were able to go to the beach.  Brad was happy with how warm the water was.  None of us went swimming because we had Tacy and I don't swim in waves.  Brad probably would have liked to. 

We are just loving this nice October weather.  It is warm still.  Some days are nice and cool like Fall but some days are in the 70s and Brad is still wearing shorts.  When I see pictures of all our friends in Utah bundled up I just laugh and am so glad to have a legit Fall again.  Tacy and I have worn pants with the cooler weather, plus it feels so weird dressing up in shorts in October.  We are still waiting for the leaves to change, but i know it will happen.

Motherhood

I love to talk about Tacy and how she is growing/developing.  However, I realize that when I mention motherhood, I sound more pessimistic and unhappy than happy.  I have always wanted to be a mom.  I've always known that.  I loved babysitting kids when I was younger.  They are fun to play with and have such fun imaginations.  I also am an older sister and got to watch my younger siblings a lot, granted, they were good at being annoying but I love them anyways.  I knew having my own child would be life changing.  I knew it wouldn't be easy.  But I also knew that every mom talks about how worth it it is.

Well I just want to say that I would not change being Tacy's mom for anything.  I love this little girl so much.  Being her mom is definitely not easy every minute, it has it's ups and downs, good times and bad times, etc.  But it is all worth it.  While Tacy can be my little drama queen and throw temper tantrums, hit, pull hair etc, she also gives great hugs, has an adorable smile, and loves to kiss you on the lips.  

I have had computer training the past two days and have gotten down early and been able to spend more of the day with Tacy.  Now, if you remember my post about being a stay-at-home mom and having a hard time spending lots of time with Tacy, you'd think that would mean the past two days have been horrible.  But they were great.  Yes, Tacy has thrown tantrums, she has refused to go anywhere without her diaper bag, she was upset when I would not let her keep wearing her Princess Aurora dress...but we have laughed a lot, hugged a lot, and tickled.  She tried tickling my feet last night during our family prayer (we are working on getting her to sit still with her arms folded for the whole prayer).  I love this girl.  She is so sweet and special.  

Lately when I go to pick up Tacy after work she runs to me and gives me a big hug!  I love it!  Maybe we both just work better when we don't spend the whole day together every day.  I have talked with other moms who have made the switch from working to being stay-at-home moms and they have told me that it is/was a hard transition (that helped my wounded mom ego).  Sorry, that was random.  But anyways, I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything.  Life isn't easy for sure.  Every day I have to give up things I want to do to help Tacy.  But when I see how happy she is when I play with her, when we sing and dance to "Shake It Off" or sing Happy birthday (in Tacy language the song goes "happy day to to"), it is all worth it.  

The hard things are what make life meaningful right?  If we don't work for something we don't appreciate it as much.  Well, every day is a work for me to be a better mom to Tacy and I see how much it helps me, Tacy, and our family when I put in the work.  I love Tacy.  If our situation were to change and I could stay at home or needed to, well I would (I might still work part time because I want to keep my RN license active).  I love Tacy.  I do want her to know her mom and to be raised by her parents.  The work I do in the home is the most important.  Hopefully my work will eventually help Tacy to loose some divaness...haha

On a side note, Tacy's tantrum about me not letting her wear her Princess Aurora dress is my own fault.  We bought it a while ago and have had it in her closet.  Tacy forgot about it.  But I have been dying to see how it fits her, so yesterday I put it on her.  It was adorable and Tacy loved it.  She did ask me to take it off, so I did (Tacy loves dressing and undressing).  When she wanted to put it back on and I would not let her is when she threw the tantrum.  Even this morning she kept trying to get to the dress in her closet.  Patience is something I struggle with so it shouldn't surprise me that my child struggles with it too.

Blocks are so fun!

My mom bought Tacy these blocks for her birthday and we just got them in a the mail last week.  Tacy loves playing with them to build towers and knock them down.  I found her using blocks a phones and had to record her cute little self.  She cracks me up!

Staying afloat in the Rain

It's starting to feel like fall here and I LOVE it!  The temp has been nice (60-low 80's).  Tacy and I have worn pants and sweatshirts some days.  It's just lovely.  I'm so excited for all of the leaves to start changing colors!  Fall is my favorite season!  I remember being the only kid in kindergarten to draw a picture of fall when we were asked to draw pictures of our favorite season.  Most of the kids drew pictures of the beach, there were a lot of snow, and then there was me.  I felt different but you know, I do love Fall!  Spring is a close second, but I love these cooler seasons (not the crazy extreme ones).  

On that note, I have now been working for 2 weeks.  I have had 2 days of general orientation and one day of computer training for Epic (the electronic medical record/scheduling they all use out here).  General orientation was at Rex Hospital and boring.  Most of it applied to people who actually work at the hospital.  Then the computer training was at this closed down outlet mall (it looked like a regular mall to me but the east coast is a little different than the west obviously).  Anyways, one wing of this mall has been taken over by UNC for all of this Epic training.  It has all been converted into a bunch of computer rooms (making it look nothing like a mall but more a computer prison - there is a guard at the door and you have to have a key to get in and out of the rest of the mall).  The training was mildly helpful, but it mostly applied to things a Family medicine clinic would do (vaccinations etc).  Oh well.  We did have a really long lunch break at which point I did get a key card so I could go out to the center of the mall.  Here I could look down the two creepy vacated/unoccupied wings of the mall.  The last wing was the food court, which amazingly almost all of the food places were open.  Epic must bring in a lot of customers for them to all stay open.  Honestly this mall looked like a good scene for a scary movie.

Work at my clinic has been good, just slow.  The neurosurgeon I work with is really nice and funny in a very sarcastic way.  He does not like people to call him doctor (he told me he thinks titles are very smug) but asks that everyone call him by his first name.  It throws patients off a little.  The Office Manager/Administrative Assistant for my doctor just avoids saying his name because she refuses to call him by his first name.  It makes me laugh but I agree it is weird not to call him Dr.  Afterall, he is a doctor.  Angela is the office manager but also Dr. Herzig's secretary, so we work really closely together.  She is awesome, loves soccer, is from the bay area but now loves NC, so basically we have a lot in common.  She is also a really relaxed manager which makes work much better.  Since Dr. Herzig is a new neurosurgeon, he is still building up his practice so it's a little slow. It has given me good time to get familiar with the system and time to learn how to do things the right way.  I also help Angela with what I can.  However, Tacy got sick again this week and I had to leave work early Wednesday to go pick her up from my friends and take her home.  Because work is slow, this was fine and no coverage was needed for me.  

No worries. I took Tacy to a pediatrician and while it's hard to say for sure what's wrong, the doctor said her lungs sound a little crackly in the left and since she has had a cough for over a week, and with all the kids getting lung infections right now, she started Tacy on Amoxicillin.  Tacy is still sick with her runny nose and a cruddy cough, but she is playing and acting like the crazy toddler which she is again.  So today I went back to work and she went back to playing with our friends.

Tacy loves her daycare arrangement.  She gets to play with friends all day (well at least the 3 year-old), they have a lot of fun toys and activities at their house, and they also go a lot of fun places too.  I'm glad she is happy.  Plus being around older kids might help her with her talking.  She did help clean up toys yesterday while singing "clean up clean up everybody do your share".  She only sings "clean up clean up" but still, that was nice.  

Tacy is now also counting different.  When my mom was out here the 8th - 10th, Tacy counted "1,2,5,6".  Then a few days ago she counted "2,4,6,7".  Yesterday she added five in.  Today she did say 1, 2, 3.  So we are making progress.  She also loves to asks "what's that?"  So I spend a lot of the time telling her what everything is, even when they are things she knows like her toys.  It is most difficult when she asks me while we are driving, so I don't know exactly what she is pointing too.  Yesterday we drove by construction and Tacy kept asking "what's that?" while we passed lots of construction machines.  I threw out the few I know (bulldozer, tractor...haha) and finally had to tell her that I did not know.

Brad is still keeping his head above water with all of his tests and skills assessments.  They have been told that it calms down after October.  So as long as he can make it to his birthday, then it should get easier.  But he really is doing great.  Now he also understands how hard pharmacology is!  

Love

So I had a really eye opening experience during our drive out here to NC.  I guess eye-opening is the best way to put it.  This move across the country, Brad starting a demanding/time consuming master's program, and job hunting has all been hard.  Life has been crazy, chaotic, and stressful.  In terms of finding a job, well, that was depressing for a while.  The east coast is really big on having your BSN (bachelors of nursing).  I just graduated with my associates of nursing.  You pretty much cannot get a job in a hospital without a BSN.  Needless to say, this made job hunting really hard.  

There were a lot of jobs that stated that they "preferred" BSNs, but as long as you received your BSN within 2 years of hire you were ok.  I applied to a lot of these.  I started applying for jobs as soon as Brad got the call he had been accepted, so late June/beginning of July.  After lots of applications and no calls I was getting pretty discouraged.

So when we started our drive to NC, I figured I would just have to go around handing out my resume to places and trying to put myself out there since I was having no luck with online applications for hospitals, nursing homes, and hospice/home health.  Well, while driving through Nashville my phone rang (thank goodness for bluetooth).  I saw on my car screen that it was a 919 area code, so I answered it.  It was a manager for a clinic asking me if I could come in for an interview.  Of course I said yes and scheduled to meet him that Friday (two days later).  

After this call, it just hit me - this whole wave of emotion.  Heavenly Father had not forgotten me.  He heard all of my prayers.  He loves me.  When everything else that had been a worry (getting packed, the drive going well, etc) was relatively taken care of so my biggest worry was my lack of a job, here I was finally getting a call when we were a day away from NC.  Now, I never doubted Heavenly Father's love for me.  It just hit me hard right then that He still was thinking about me and trying to help us.  And it's more than just getting a call for an interview.  Our move went smoothly.  We were moving not just anywhere, but to NC, somewhere I have been wishing to go back to since my family moved away June 1999.  Brad was starting PA school, something we had been praying for for a long time.  I just felt so loved and blessed in that moment after that call.  Driving through Nashville I was holding back the tears and just feeling so grateful for all my many blessings and for the love of my Heavenly Father.  

I have now been offered that job at the clinic I received the call about in Nashville.  It's funny how long of a hiring process it has been (and slightly frustrating), but I am still so grateful for the job, and for receiving that call at that moment that day in Tennessee.  

I just wanted to write this down before I forgot about that strong feeling I had.  I know we have a Heavenly Father.  I know that He loves each and every one of us very much.  I know that He wants the best for us.  I know that I have to try my hardest to be the best I can and put forth my effort to get what I need, but that He is there for me to help with what I cannot do.  I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father.  I am grateful for every moment when I am able to truly feel/acknowledge His great love for me and all of us.

Pinterest fun

So several years ago, when I was working 13 hour days 3 days a week at the pain clinic and had every thursday-sunday off, I was bored.  My best friend then told me about pinterest (which I remember Ted stated was not a good idea haha).  It was fall.  It all came up because I talked about all my free time and how I would love to do crafts, but had no idea what to do.  I love walking into Michael's and JoAnns but seriously, who knows what to get there?!  Well Pinterest changed my world!  I made a lot of fall/halloween crafts right away.  Living with my in-laws, I didn't really ever make any of the recipes I pinned.  Brad started to tease me about pinning things I was never going to make.  

One of my first pinterest crafts

Well no worries, now that we have our own little place and my own kitchen, I have been having fun!  I was again have had time on my hands while waiting for work to start.  So I have made a few desserts (cause really, what is better than dessert?) and a craft.  I will feel better about doing more once I have an income again.  

I already mentioned the delicious lemon cheesecake bars.  I also made these thick, chewy chocolate chip cookies (mine weren't really thick but they were chewy and nice and under-down).  Here is the link if you would like to try: http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2013/05/13/chewy-chocolate-chunk-cookies/.  The cookies were pretty good.  I really want to find the best chocolate chip cookie recipe, cause some are good, but then store bought can be better...but this one was pretty good.

My other pinterest fun was a Fall leaf glitter garland.  Brad told me that I would be in charge of clean up for all the glitter and has had great fun in making fun of how glittered I am after working on this.  I did all of it in three days I believe (mostly evenings when Tacy was asleep).  I'm happy with how it turned out and now our kitchen finally has a little decoration on our blank wall.  Best part is, it can stay up through Thanksgiving!  here is the link: http://6thstreetdesignschool.blogspot.com/2013/10/diy-falling-leaves-garland.html

I just love Fall!  It always makes me want to get crafty, but I run out of room for new things unless the decoration can hang on the wall.  

My month as a full-time Mom

I have been unemployed for a month.  This month has been crazy and hard.  I love Tacy and spending all this time with her has been great.  But at the same time, I feel like I'm doing nothing productive and am bored.  I have a whole new respect for stay-at-home moms.  This month has made me wonder if I am not that great of a mom because I want to work.  Tacy can drive me crazy, make me laugh, and wear me out.  I struggle to come up with things to do at home because she doesn't always want to learn (not that I'm a great teacher), I'm tired, she's bored, and Tacy just wants to run around and watch Curious George.  She still counts "1, 2, 5, 6".  She still says "blue" when we ask her what color something is.  But she now knows the difference between a spoon and a fork.  Ha ha  

Maybe my problem is that Tacy's whole life I have been going to school and working.  Other than a 2 week break my first year of nursing school where I sleep trained Tacy, I have always been doing something else while being a mom.  So now just being a mom feels slow and very tiring.  Being a mom is definitely a full time job whether you are working a job or not.  And Tacy wore me out the days I wasn't at school or work before.  But now to be with her everyday, boy, she runs me ragged.  It probably doesn't help we are in a new area and still trying to figure out places to go and things to do.  And every other day we don't have the mazda (which has AC).  

I'm not complaining I promise.  It's just a realization I've had that makes me feel like less of a mom.  Maybe all moms feel worn out and wish they could do something else sometimes.  I have only been away from Tacy for a few interviews.  Props to all my friends who do this full time, every day.  

chowing down on corn at the Farmers Market

Other than being worn out, I have been loving cooking/baking again.  Having my own kitchen again is fantastic.  Now I feel I can really try out all the recipes I find on pinterest.  It's exciting.  I actually made these lemon cream cheese bars that are fantastic (if you love lemon).  That was the first time I have ever zested a lemon.  You can go here for the recipe : http://thegirlinspired.com/2014/06/lemon-cream-cheese-cookie-bars/.

Tacy sure does love all my baking too.  We have been to a few fun parks in the area.  We had friends take us to a park in Raleigh that had a train, carousel, and kiddies boats as well as a lake and playgrounds.  Tacy loved it!  She had so much fun riding the choo-choo train and steering her little boat.  Her little friend got scared by both of them.  I thought Tacy would too so I was impressed that she loved them so much.

Tacy also had a run-in with biting ants at the playground in our apartment complex.  The poor kid walked over a small ant hill and they bit her feet all up.  She has 20+ bites on her feet, calf, and one hand.  Thank goodness for benadryl and Beauty and The Beast.

I have had two unofficial job offerings.  One is unofficial because HR has to call me with the amount they will pay and apparently HR is really slow at this).  The other is unofficial because they were waiting to here back from my references because I can be officially hired.  Both are with clinics, so working Monday-friday.  One does work mornings on weekends.  The same one also would have me working at two different locations.  Hopefully I will hear from HR soon so I can make the best decision.  Money would be great.

Brad has his first crazy test week this week with a test Wednesday and Friday.  He has been great at studying every night after Tacy goes to bed (even on weekends).  My friends at Weber are all starting the BSN program today and I'm sad I'm not with them, but I know that it's better that Brad is doing his PA program.  

she always puts her babies on a chair to watch shows with her

Life keeps moving, I keep swimming.  Meanwhile, Tacy and I have grown much closer over this past month and that has been very nice.  I understand her more and I really like that.  So while she has worn me out and there are days I swear we are not having more children, I'm very glad we have her!  Who else would crack me up while she cleans all her animals, runs around with no clothes on, and comes up to me saying "tickle tickle" while laughing her head off.  

she didn't want her picture taken