Portrait of Christ

I ordered a portrait of Christ from Jenny Fowler Art which I fell in love with because of the love in His eyes.  I was just looking at this picture and had a train of thought that I wanted to write down.  You see, I have a very personal relationship with Jesus, and everyone can have a personal relationship with Him.  I have this personal, strong, loving relationship with Christ because of the trials that I have gone through in my life with have drawn me closer to my Savior.  I have grown up with the knowledge of my Savior and been taught since birth of His love, his Atonement, sacrifice and resurrection.  However, it was not until I was 16 that I really had my beliefs tested and tried for the first time.  You see at 16 I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and my world essentially was flipped upside down.  It was my diagnosis that I came to a point in my life where I had to either choose to accept this new life or I could be miserable and complain about why this happened to me.  Now I will never say that I this choice was something that I made in one day and that I still do not have to make the choice every day to find happiness and joy with my circumstances.  However, it was at this time that I know I could have easily lost my faith and chose to deny the existence of God.  While I had my moments of shouting, crying, and complaining it was when I turned to the scriptures and hymns that I found comfort.  From hymns of solace I turned to scriptures referenced in the hymns and began to dive into studying the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  It was at this time I learned and gained a deep understanding and testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I finally understood not just that the Atonement made it possible that we can repent of our sins but that our Savior also suffered for every pain and trial we have and will ever go through.  Diabetes had caused me to feel so alone because no one could understand how I felt and feel each and every day with this disease.  It is so personal and different for everyone.  However, I came to realize that my Savior understood perfectly exactly how I felt and feel, that He suffered the pain of every poke, insulin injection, the awful helpless feeling of blood sugar that can be a roller coaster ride and hard to manage at times and frustration of living with such a disease that can leave me with no energy or bring me to such tears of pain, anguish and frustration.  For all the moments that I wanted to give up, I learned that by turning to my Savior I could get through even the hardest day.  I learned to simply ask for help and comfort and my burden was made lighter, I had a hand around my back helping me to walk this hard path.  It is in looking at this portrait of Jesus that I see the love in His eyes that I feel each day, with each prayer or time of trial.  I could not not have this portrait because it so perfectly illustrates how I picture Jesus Christ.

I was also thinking about how my diagnosis came at the perfect time in my life, because after this incredibly hard trial that changed my life forever and truly strengthened my testimony of my Savior and the gospel and Jesus Christ; I was tested in ways that I don't know I could have weathered without having already had to strengthen my testimony.  As an example, my senior year of high school was incredibly fun but I also had a lot of spiritual and emotional trials.  I had a great group of friends, however from these friends I had a couple who told me that I was going straight to Hell because I was Mormon.  I had a boyfriend for 3 months and we broke up essentially because I was Mormon and that placed too much difference between us.  I had so many people who were close friends bash my beliefs that year.  I will say that my great group of friends did include several Mormon girls and I was not the only one being told that I was going straight to Hell, but it still is something that I know having already had my testimony tried the year before, I was able to get through that trying time and still remain close friends with most of those people.  

I will never say that Diabetes is my only trial, or that by getting through that hard time of accepting my diagnosis and strengthening my testimony made it so the rest of my life was easy.  If anything my life probably got harder.  Satan does not give up on us when we are trying harder to draw close to Jesus and Heavenly Father, if anything he only tempts us more and works harder to pull us to him.  What I really want everyone, including myself and my kids, to know is that you should never give up.  Our Savior suffered for every sin, every trial, every emotional, mental and physical challenge we will ever go through so we do not have to go through those trials alone.  All we have to do is ask for His help and he will walk that road with us so we never have to be alone as He was in the Garden or on the cross.  Jesus Christ loves each and every one of us.  Our Heavenly Father loves each of us, which is why He sent his Son to teach, suffer and die for us so we can all return to Him and have the best champion stand by our sides through every trial life can and will throw at us.  

Where did the year go? 2017 review

Where has the past year gone?!  I remember when 2016 was ending that I was sure 2017 would be much calmer. After all, Brad and I were finished with school, Nate was a baby and Tacy was in preschool and preparing for kindergarten. Goodness, I feel like no matter how much we plan, life never follows the straight road I thought.it.would. Last year Brad started working at Novant Orthopaedics in Winston-Salem. We bought a house in Wonderland, moved, put Tacy on a new preschool to finish out the school year. I started working part time at Novant on the ICU, which was an experience since I had originally been hired to work on the ICU, IMC and Medical floors. After getting settled, Brad was miserable at his job because of his long hours and broken promises from what he had been hired to do. We visited family in Utah and Brad saw a job opening for an orthopaedic position in Bountiful. He applied, interviewed, and was offered a job within the week we were visiting.  After prayer and fasting, we decided it was best for our family to sell our house and move across the country so we could be closer to family. 

We moved in August, I started working on an ICU right away, Tacy turned 5 the day she and Brad arrived with all our stuff. We lived with my in-laws for 4 weeks before moving into our townhouse.  Tacy started half day kindergarten (seriously, it's so ridiculous they don't do full day) and Brad started working at his new job.  Nate turned 1 and we went to southern California for Thanksgiving with all of my mom's side of the family. It was great to see my siblings, cousins and grandparents. My grandma has dementia that has advanced so quickly in one year that she now does not recognize her family members and repeats the same phrase over and over. Brad and my 10 year anniversary was the day after Thanksgiving, so we were able to sneak away for dinner and ice cream. Oh and I did turn 30 in May. That really was the our year. 5 W2s for taxes between my 3 different jobs amd Brad's 2, we bought and sold a house, moved twice and spent time with family. 

With this new year I am hoping that we can weather any storm and focus on the positive. "Come What May And love it" has become my mantra as of late. I tend focus on the negative and always look to the other side thinking about how much happier it would be if.... So I am trying to keep a gratitude journal, enjoy time with my kids, and spend quality time with my husband.