Breastfeeding

After reading a couple different stories, I thought I should share my trials with breastfeeding.  You see, before having kids I always assumed/planned on breastfeeding.  It is what my mother did, the "natural way" to feed a baby and what experts all agree is the best way to feed a baby, not to mention the cheapest way to feed a baby.  

Well I had Tacy 5 days before I started nursing school.  Being diabetic, the nurses had to check Tacy's blood sugar regularly to make sure she was high enough.  As a new mom, my milk supply was slow to come, so Tacy had to receive formula supplement starting in the hospital to help her get food to help keep her blood sugar at good levels.  Then at home, I continued to try to breastfeed.  I had bought a breast pump in prep for nursing school and would nurse her every morning and then pump before going to school.  At school the only real time I had to pump was lunch (which also meant I had to eat really quick).  Then I would try to breastfeed and pump at home.  No matter what, I never produced enough milk to keep Tacy full, she always was hungry after breastfeeding and needed formula.  One Saturday I remember Brad suggested I try to just breastfeed Tacy, so I did and was breastfeeding her every hour, so literally I spent the whole day breastfeeding.  It was exhausting and I obviously was not satisfying her.

Other then nursing school, another thing against me was that as I quit working when I had Tacy so I could go to school, my health insurance changed to Brad's and that company did not cover the same nursing specialists I had seen in the hospital.  Plus, I never had time to go talk with lactation specialists with my school schedule.  Needless to say, after 2 months my doctor and I agreed that I had given it my best try and that just giving Tacy formula at that time was perfectly fine.  I was fortunate to have a great doctor who really helped me not feel like a failure when I could not feed my daughter.  I had so many people at school tell me about how successful they were at breastfeeding, so it easily could have made me feel depressed to not be able to feed my daughter.  With the support of my doctor and husband, Tacy was just given formula for the rest of her first year of life.  And guess what, she is a healthy 4-year-old.

Having Nate, I really hoped that by actually having maternity leave I would be able to not be so stressed and have a good chance at breastfeeding.  However, having a c-section and Nate going straight to the NICU for 5 days really slowed everything down.  I didn't get to hold Nate for 2 days, which meant no skin-to-skin contact which can really help to stimulate milk production.  Also, I had had no breast changes the whole time I was pregnant.  The lactation consultant and nurses were all really nice and helped get me set up with pumps so I could try to get my supply going, but I never could get much milk.  Nate had a doctor appointment 2 days after discharging from the hospital (he was week old) and the lactation consultant told me to focus on trying to get my milk supply to come in by pumping every 2 hours.  Meanwhile, Nate being the big boy that he was needed to eat every 3 hours and was eating 2 oz at each feeding.  

Let me tell you what, pumping every 2 hours was exhausting, frustrating and depressing.  I was supposed to be calm and relaxed but I was stressed and upset and had to keep leaving my son to go pump.  I felt like I was not spending any time with him and with all the pumping I never got more than 1 oz (30 mls) of breastmilk in 24 hours.  When doing the math, this was at most 1/16th (closer to 1/24th by that time) of what Nate ate in a day.  So when we returned to the pediatrician 2 days later, she looked at me and said "Some people just are not able to breast feed." She was very kind to me, which is nice because I feel so many doctors and specialists can really push breast feeding.  My mom was with me and I felt really pressured by her to not give up.  So I met with the lactation specialist again.  When she heard what I had been doing and the little results I was having, she was also very nice.  She told me that formula has come a long way, that she was a formula fed baby, Tacy was formula fed and healthy, and that this was not a bad option.  When my mom discussed other things that could be tried, the specialist told me that it was my decision.  That I could continue to pump every 2 hours and try drinking tea to stimulate milk production, or I could choose to spend more time with my baby.  Needless to say, I chose to spend more time with my son.  So yes, I gave up breastfeeding by the time Nate was 2 weeks old.  I was told that having a c-section and needing to get blood really inhibited my ability to produce milk, but I also think that my body just is not cut out to produce milk.  

Brad told me, "Maybe you are a meat cow, not a milk cow".  Needless to say, I feel that we need to be supportive of whatever way a woman can feed her child.  Not every woman can breastfeed or breastfeeding does not always work best for a family situation.  I think the fact that a mother/parent is trying to feed their child and help them grow is what is important, not the manner in which they do it.   We need to support each other in our efforts as parents to care for our children and not shame parents for the choices they make.